Hell Hath No Fury
by Marion Hood
Summary: There is nothing that can stop Loki from opening that portal. Except the one person even more powerful than he.


"I have an army." drawled Loki.

"We have a H..."

"Yes I know. You have a monster." Loki twirled his staff. "I hope you don't expect me to be scared because I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint."

"Actually they have something much more terrifying than that." A soft voice spoke from over the Tricksters shoulder.

Tony Stark smirked into his drink. The already pale god of mischief went white and spun on one heel to face the woman, his cloak billowing out behind him. The woman wasn't striking like Natasha or beautiful like Pepper, but there was something about her quiet prettiness which made her stand out. That she was the only woman in the room helped too. She was small, with waist length, dark brown hair which hung in busy curls. She wore a set of dark green robes over leggings and a tunic, similar in shade to Loki's cloak, which hid most of her figure and she clutched a short stick in one hand. Her brown eyes sparkled with emotion and her hair sparked in rage.

"Loki Odinson, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

Loki opened his mouth to reply but she cut across him.

"For the last eight months you've been missing. I've had no word, no note, nothing to say you were even alive. For EIGHT months Loki. EIGHT!" She crossed her arms and scowled. "And then out of the blue, after some massive showdown caused by _your_ trickery and pigheadedness, your blundering oaf of a brother appears to me, in the middle of my classroom no less, to tell me you fell off the Rainbow Bridge. Do you know what that did to me Loki? Do you? I thought you were dead!" She scrubbed at her eyes, which were glistening slightly.

By this point Loki seemed to have gathered his wits and glowered at the woman, who glared back visibly unimpressed.

"How dare you?" He hissed. "I can go where I please. I am a god and I..."

"And _I_ am your wife. I am Hermione _bloody _Granger._"_ She stabbed his chest with a finger. "I am also due next month so you do _not_ want to trifle with me."

"Wives are supposed to be subservient!" He bellowed. She didn't even blink. "You dare to presume you can chain me down to some...due where?"

The woman stepped back and unclasped her baggy robes, exposing the round belly of an eight month pregnant woman.

Tony nearly choked on his scotch, Loki swayed where he stood.

"You're with child?" He whispered, the anger draining from him.

The anger did not drain from his wife. In fact she seemed to get even more furious.

"Yes." She snarled at him, as though he was personally responsible. Which, Tony supposed, he was. "Someone forgot to mention that having a goddess of the harvest for your mother makes you extra fertile."

"Step-mother." Loki growled, eyes still fixed on her stomach.

"Oh spare me. You and I both know magic doesn't work that way. You take after her because she earned the right to be your mother. Unlike yon absent Jotun."

That got his attention.

"You knew?" He seethed. "Even you betrayed me?"

She sighed gently and rested a hand on the side of his face.

"Never. I guessed. There were the obvious signs. To be honest I thought you knew so I didn't mention it."

"Obvious signs?" He breathed.

"You turn blue when you sleep darling. And if that wasn't enough, since I got pregnant every time I lose my temper, this happens."

Sure enough, Tony began to notice the lattice work of frost which was creeping across the hem of her robe.

"The child is Jotun?" Loki asked, looking almost afraid of the answer.

She chuckled.

"I wish. Ice Giant would have been a relief. She's a mixture of Trickster, Witch and Jotun. Magical children are a enough of a handful as it is." She glared at him again. "Not only do I have to deal with the ice and the accidental magic, there is the pudding as well."

Loki frowned, cocked his head slightly as though to hear better and repeated,

"Pudding?"

"Yes. Pudding. Everything I eat turns into chocolate pudding. Six months..." She groaned. "Of nothing but chocolate pudding. I don't even _like_ chocolate pudding." She scowled up at her husband. "I blame you of course."

"Of course." Loki muttered.

"You and your demon spawn."

"Did you just call my child demon spawn?" Loki repeated threateningly.

"I'll call her what ever I like. I've the one whose been carrying her around for the last eight months ALONE. I was thinking about Thorina as a name. Thoughts?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh wouldn't I?"

Loki snorted and Tony began to see just why these two had ended up together.

"She?"

"Found out yesterday." She beamed at him and then glanced over his shoulder. "Oh hello." She stepped around the stunned god. "I'm Hermione by the way. Hermione Granger."

"Tony Stark."

Loki snarled.

"Don't even think about it Stark."

Hermione ignored him.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to make your acquaintance. Thor only bothered to tell me what was happening yesterday." She shrugged elegantly. "Care to tell me what's going on?"

"You're husband has raised an army to take over the earth."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Brilliant." She turned back to Loki. "What were the conditions?"

Loki sighed, seemingly defeated.

"They would return me to the nine realms if I would lead them to earth. They made it...impossible to say no."

Hermione sighed, resting a hand on the side of his face.

"Oh Loki." She breathed. Her husband closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. She looked over her shoulder at Tony, who was watching her with something close to awe. "This staff of his. It's puts people in his thrall?"  
Tony nodded, the small bit of self preservation carefully cultivated by Pepper, telling him to behave.

"The cure?" she asked briskly.

Tony blinked.

_Loki was brainwashed?_

"Cognitive reboot." He said shortly.

Hermione nodded and raised the stick she held in her hand.

"I'm so sorry about your computer systems, Mr Stark. _Stupify."  
_

The Norse god keeled over backwards. They both winced at the sickening crack his skull made against the marble floor.

"He's going to be in a terrible mood when he wakes up." She sighed and scowled at his staff, which lay harmlessly on the floor. "Can't even bend over thanks to him. _Accio._" The sceptre leaped into her free hand and she leaned on it heavily. "On the roof is it?"

"What?"

She rolled her eyes.

"The inter-dimensional portal. Is it on the roof?"

Tony scowled.

"Yeah. But what..."

She'd vanished. Tony considered waking Loki, just for someone to talk to, but thought better of it. Neither SHEILD nor JARVIS were responding and that was enough for Tony to crack open a wiring panel and take a look at the mainframe. Several minutes and seventeen blown fuses later, the woman reappeared.

"Sorry about that." She breathed, smoothing her now windblown hair down. She toed the still unconscious Loki.

"Wake up, you great idiot."

"What the hell did you do to my computer?" Tony demanded, halfway through rebooting his systems.

She shrugged.

"Technology hates me." The woman ignored him, in favour of kicking her husband. "Wake up!" She demanded.

"My own?" Loki mumbled, rubbing at his temples.

"Come on. We need to get out of here. There are going to be some very angry people after you."

He got to his feet, staring in amazement at her protruding stomach.

"Yes, yes, I'm growing a demigod. Focus." Loki's blinked and nodded.

"My apologies Stark. I won't be able to serve out those prison sentences you've no doubt got written up." he wrapped both arms around Hermione, pulling her close to him. "I'm going to be much too busy."

"Damn right you are." She threatened.

Loki just laughed and they vanished.

* * *

"So let me get this straight..." Nick Fury paced the floor of the board room, one eye glaring at Tony in particular. "Not only is Loki still on the loose, but there is someone out there even more powerful than he is?"

"Lady Hermione isn't a threat." Thor stated, as though that was that.

"Not a threat? We had a war on our hands, on the verge of invasion and she stops it. All on her own and heavily pregnant?"

Even Natasha looked slightly impressed.

Thor beamed and rummaged in her pocket.

"I am to be an uncle." He said proudly, holding up a picture of an ultrasound.

Nick Fury sighed heavily as what had been an incredibly serious meeting about a global threat, devolved into a baby shower. Was Hawkeye cooing?

For the love of...

He strode from the room and returned to his office, hoping that there was enough paperwork there to drown himself in.

"It would be in your best interests to leave my husband alone."

Fury sighed.

"You're in my chair." He pointed out.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Of course I'm in your chair. Do you have any idea how swollen my ankles are?"

"Your husband is a mass murderer."

Hermione nodded.

"Technically yes. He is. But do you hold Agent Barton accountable for the lives he took whilst under the control of the Chitauri?"

"Agent Barton didn't try to destroy a town in New Mexico."

"Loki wasn't trying to kill anyone. He never does if he can avoid it. You saw him didn't you? When he first came through the portal."

"I might have."

She smiled, depreciatively.

"Did he look like a sane man?" She asked.

Fury didn't have an answer he liked so he said nothing. She seemed to get the gist anyway.

"Loki isn't a threat to earth." She said, getting carefully to her feet.

"Are you?" He asked bluntly.

She assumed a look of utmost innocence.

"I, Director Fury, am a school teacher. I'm completely harmless." She smirked. "Unless provoked of course. Now I'm going to see my brother-in-law. He said he'd introduce me to his girlfriend."

Fury watched as she walked out, rubbing her back absent-mindedly with one hand.

Then he pulled a slim manilla folder towards him and grabbed a pen from the pot on his desk to write up a report.

**Hermione Granger. **

**Human**

**Magical**

**Known Associates- Loki Laufeyson (Classification-Supervillan), Thor Odinson (Classification-Avenger)**

**DO NOT APPROACH.**

**EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.**

**Classification: RUN! NOW!**

* * *

**A/N**

**Just a bit of fun really.**

**My first Avengers/Harry Potter fic. **

**Hope you like it.**

**Let me know if you'd like more of this crossover. **

**Hood Out.**


End file.
